Lote to Have

I think it's interesting how the emotion of hate is closer to love than it is to fear or anger. But that makes it difficult to differentiate between the two. I guess that explains my huge capacity to shower the ones I prefer with such an abundance of love that it can get frightening, and also how easily and how much I can resent anyone for the slightest reasons.

That being said, I can't seem to tell the difference for what I feel towards my sisters. I can't spend anymore than 2 minutes in their company without feeling hurt and infuriated at their immaturity and quickness to judge and condescending attitude and oversensitiveness and honestly I could go on all day.

Yusra stupidly chose a date and time to fly off to Canada which is impossible for me to send her off. It's the morning of my general paper for my A levels of all papers, I cannot cannot CANNOT fuck it up because I'll have to repeat my j2 year. When I asked her to fly after my As, both of them accused me of being self-centred and thinking of me and myself only. But she couldn't even have chosen a slightly later time so that I could send her off like at night because her flight is on a Friday. She blatantly just booked the flight without thinking and it hurts me so much to think that she irrationally booked it without considering anyone but herself. And first of all, she has no immediate rush to fly off.

I'm really hurt. And angry. With that being said, I guess my feelings to both my sisters is more of hate than love. And I've also decided to wash my hands off of them entirely with just spooning out the pleasantries and nothing more because I don't feel like treating them as my sisters when they don't treat me like one.